LANGUISHMENT
by omnj22
Summary: A girl with nothing but pain is turned into a vampire 180 years before BD. This turns into an imprinting story, how? Well, you have to read to find out! Its sad at the beginning but gets happier with lots of drama. Rated M! Not yr regular imprint story
1. Life Story

A running love

_**LANGUISHMENT**_

Summary: A girl with nothing but pain is turned into a vampire 180+ years before BD. This turns into an imprinting story, how? Well, you have to read to find out! Its sad at the beginning but gets happier with lots of drama. Rated M! Not yr regular imprint story!

_**AN: First off, I just want to say that this is rated M mostly because of the events that take place in Amelia's life and because there maybe some more tragedies that I think wouldn't be mature enough for ppl under the M level! So, I hope you like it and review!**_

_**Chp 1: I'd rather be dead**_

_Amelia Deny Last_, which had been the name my parents gave me 182 years ago. Why would you give your child a name with deny in it? I didn't blame them, I had always been denied, rejected.

My life had been full of pain, ever since I was born all I could remember was pain. Our family was rich, that didn't mean happy though. My father never liked my mother and my mother the same to him. He was a cruel man; 'working' all day. My mom was the same; she didn't work but was never home. They always had their 'friends' calling. That's why I got a little sister. I was a love child; my mother had me in her last year of college with my father. Their parents had made then get married. I never found out what my father did for money. One day my mom told him that she was pregnant and he asked 'with whom?' Even now that discusses me, why would you marry someone you hated?

Once Amanda was born, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. Mother had helped me manage it until I was 7; at the age of which my dad had left the three of us. He finally divorced my mother and married some slut. My mom took care of us more after that. She was a good mother just not a loving one. She bought you love, instead.

My dad passed away in a car accident with his slut. All the money came to us. Not that we cared. My mom earned enough, being a nurse. She'd gotten a job in Mexico. We moved their and stayed near tribal areas. She took her life in front of us, a year after we moved. The neighbors and my sister knew as well as I did that she'd been sick for a long time. She hadn't wanted to live so she killed herself. Amanda didn't cry at her funeral and neither did I. I couldn't remember the last time I did that. Every time you cried you showed that you were weak, and we weren't not after we'd seen all that we could. Including our mother hang her self while we tried to untie the rope. Once someone left there was nothing you could do to bring that person back. What people said was true, 'they go to a happier place'. A place where everyone is alone. Where everyone has no one. We had no one.

I had wanted to take my life ever since then, but I had to care of Amanda. She was only 3 years younger than me, but meatier and not as tall. We joined the nearby tribe and adapted their ways. They barely ate and I wouldn't ever eat always give it to Amanda, but she was getting sick even though. I asked the leader for medicine for her but they said 'prayer was the best medicine'. The whole tribe knew that Amanda wouldn't last more than a couple days, but she never stopped smiling. One day, a tall red skinned man came in and pointed and arrow at her. I tried to stop him but my tribal 'mother' held me back with the help of other tribal elders I was tied down. The blood oozed out of my little sisters mouth, I watched biting my lip all the way through. The tribe had no word for 'no'. So all I could scream was 'maybe not!' I cried that night. They scalped her, taking away her beautiful shining hair. I cried like I'd never cried before. My mom was an only child just as my dad was. No aunts no uncles and my grandparents had died a good 10 years back. I was alone. Alone. I left the hut and walked out that night, going into the medical tent. It was dark and every one was gathered around the fire. I opened the drawer and pulled out the rat poison. Taking a water in my bare hand I was about to pop it in when a hand stopped me. Rayyassadda was from a different tribe up near Washington State. Every tribe girl longed for him; I was the only one who hadn't showed interest. The men had given him the name Clearwater, because of his pure mind. He took the poison out of my hand and spoke to me in the native language. He had me convinced that every human needed a life, a chance to thank god for his creation. In a matter of seconds he wanted to run away with me. I couldn't explain it but I knew that once again I'd found someone who wanted me to live. Leaving the tribe was out of the question for him, until fall. He told me that I could leave and he'd meet me in Washington when what he came for was over. I waited two whole years for him. I went to the locations he'd told me about. He'd never showed up.

Once I got a letter, it said that he was sick and that he wanted to say bye to me. That was it. Again I had no one in this lonely. I closed my eyes. And wearing just a jacket and jeans went to move. _Alone_…. The word repeated in my brain, again and again. I flew to France where I hoped to freeze to death.

The first thing I did when I arrived at the romantic city was go to the nearest bar. It was late, real late, almost 3 in the morning. I didn't care. I closed my eyes and drank the red liquid. It helped my rain loose focus. I ordered another. A bark blue one at last. I had forgotten even my name. But more importantly for the first time I'd forgotten my past, even for the few seconds it lasted. I opened my eyes.

Memories flashed back, I hadn't remembered this strange man either. My arms hurt, my body hurt. I looked down at my self. I was covered in dark purple bruises. What had happened to me? Then the man got up, zipping up his pants, and _left_. Just like the rest of them, he went away. I let unconsciousness creep its way into my mind.

That day or night, which ever it had been, I decided that I was going to kill myself. This time there would be no Rayyassadda to stop me. I went into the forest; it was freezing but that only accrued to me after I heard the howls of wild animals. There were signs all around telling me not to go into the pitch black forest. I closed my eyes and with my pocket knife cut my skin so blood showed. This would attract animals surely I'd thought.

And it had, the howls crept in. At least these wolves would have a good treat. I closed my eyes and shrieked at the pain of my skin being torn. Then when all the pain had come there was colder pain on me, freezing hands. Then the rest of my bones crunched, right above my heart I felt could fingers and then… nothing. I had never been so lucky and even in unconsciousness I knew that this wouldn't last. A huge fire spread through me. I couldn't help but notice that the pain from the canines was worthless now. A seed compare to the field of fruit. My heart exploded and I knew hell awaited me. I gasped at the burn in my throat cupping it with my cold hands. _Cold hands. _Abnormally cold. I opened my eyes and knew I wasn't in hell; hell didn't have angels or beds this comfortable.

A tall man with angelic futures stared at me with bold but curiously threatened eyes. A woman stood behind him holding his hand and three others that were just as breath taking but younger. One a blond, the second a brunette and the third a darker blond.

That was when my new life began. Elezar had "rescued" me. They thought me how to live how to feed, and after 40 living with them _I_ ran away. For the first time I didn't want to be loved, I needed to think.

Now…I'm back. To my home in Denali, welcomed by my, now, three sisters and, now, three 'brothers'. I returned to my coven.

_**AN: Yes, I know it's very vague and not descriptive but I promise I'll get into that! R&R! Pics of Amelia are on my profile!**_


	2. Bond

AN: So, I hope you like the previous chapter and f you left a review thank you

_AN: So, I hope you like the previous chapter and f you left a review thank you! If you didn't, it's okay. I thought a lot about this chapter and I really hope you guys like it because I wrote it like 4 times and then eased it like 3._

_Btw: how many of you caught the hint of what Rayyassadda meant?_

**Chp 2!**

**Yeah she's depressed**

**Can you blame her?**

Even though I was the one that'd run away, they were the ones welcoming me back. This was more than I could've asked for, especially since I didn't. Over the years I'd tried to keep my vegetarian diet, but some times it just got too irresistible that you had to cheat. And when I cheated, I felt like the monster in me was trying to get out. I hadn't had a drop of human blood in more than 60 years of time. Elezar had created me, with the approval of his family. Now coming back it felt like I was coming home; how ever long my journey was.

I had of course tried to figure out what Id become these past decades. I'd discovered my power. Everything I did reminded me of death. Unlike 'normal' vampires I could remember every aspect of my life before this one. When I went to Volterra, Italy I had met Aro and his brothers. I had asked them to kill me, of course with my damned luck they'd rejected. When I caused trouble in their city they wanted me to join them. This is why Elezar always treated me special.

Elezar told me once that he knew I would be different that I would have something that no one ever thought about. He was right. I was a monster; a monster worse than Jane, that is why Aro wanted me indeed. My power was fairly alike to Jane's. But mine came from real memories real events and the painful events that had happened to me drew to them. Like a feeling kept inside, it grew and grew then finally one day, with an out burst of pain, it exploded. Jane had liked me when we met, then she realized what else I could do; I was competition to her. I could do something only scientists dream about. I could duplicate my self. Make clones that looked just like me that acted just like me, my replicas. My pain multiplied with them. They did not have the power Jane and I shared though, that was just me. Elezar was delighted to see this; of course he knew the volturri always got what they wanted. And so far they wanted me.

I walked into my family's arms, Irina had been killed, so easily, by my again the volturri;. I felt like I could cry from jealousy when I got the news but, monsters didn't cry, they couldn't. Carmen and Elezar were as happy as when I'd first seen them, so in love, so encouraging. Kate had met a nomad named Garrett who had converted to being 'vegetarian' with the rest of us. Tanya was still with out a mate but had gotten a bit more talkative. This was my family and I had to admit that I loved them, no matter how loud they could be.

Tanya took me to my room, the exact same way I'd left it. Dark gray walls, black curtains, my violin, and even my magazines were still in the same way I'd left them. Tanya wrapped her arms around me, I did the same. We stood like that for minutes until I felt a shock. I screamed.

"Gotcha," Kate winked. Same old Kate, I guess everything would really be like it used to be.

"That stung," I stuck my tongue out at her. She smiled and joined in on our hug.

"I'm glad you're back, Ames." Tanya said ruffling my brunette hair.

"Yeah, I hate to be this emotional, but I missed you," Kate rolled her eyes and smirked while she said this. I jumped on her.

"If I say I missed you guys too, can we cut the touchy crap?" My tone wasn't used to having to be nice so it came out a little harsher than I expected it to, but Tanya and Kate still laughed.

"Deal," Tanya said as she drew open the curtains letting the moons light come into the room.

The night flew by as we talked about where I'd been and how Kate met Garrett, Edward Cullen's wedding, their family and how the volturri came here. The sun rose above the mountains shinning a bright yellow and making the clouds turn a light purple. I smiled at the beauty. My smile frightened me. I couldn't remember the last time I'd been this happy. Carmen came in and I practically jumped onto her.

"Hello to you too," She smiled showing he clear teeth at me.

"Isn't it beautiful?" I asked towing her to the window.

"Very beautiful," She turned and faced me. "Carlisle Cullen called today," She looked at me through her eyelashes.

"Did something happen?" I asked, my tone finally learning to light up.

"No, no. But he wants us to visit. It's been years since we saw them." I felt like she was apologizing to me. "If you're up to it, we would like it if you came along with us to meet them." Was she asking my permission? I didn't miss the way she thought about her word care fully before speaking like she was afraid she would drive me away.

"Of course, Carmen. I'd like that as well. When must we leave?" I asked trying to lower my tone again, I couldn't help it that it came out like that.

"Tonight," I nodded and she tightened her arms around me.

……………**..**

Running through the forest always gave me a sense of freedom; a sense of life. Of course that would disappear as soon as I heard a heartbeat. It was hard to concentrate on the clouds even, as I tried to block out my hearing. I was the fastest but also the weakest. Garrett caught up to me with a smirk on his squared face.

"Wanna race Mia?" He smile grew. Even in the little time I'd known Garrett, I'd learned that he was a challenge. Not just to handle but also to keep entertained. He also loved a challenge, and didn't give up until he won. I nodded and he speeded up. We were jumped over the river followed my Kate and Tanya, then Carmen and then lastly Elezar, who was deep in thought.

Tanya greeted Edward with a hello and then Carlisle with the rest of the family. Carlisle stood a foot ahead of his family greeting us. Their house reeked like we dogs! I nudged Kate who nudged me back telling me to 'be nice'. Elezar and Carlisle hugged and they led us inside. The house was beautiful except that horrible smell. I looked around; my eyes met a brunette who I assumed was Bella because she'd shyly looked away from my eye contact. A child held my hand in hers. I looked down at her. Besides being adorable the child also had the biggest brown eyes I'd ever seen and the sweetest smile as well. She was a mixture of Bella and Edward, their daughter, the one and only Renesmee Cullen. She stared into my eyes and I stared back. Eventually she reached up with her palm towards my face. Tanya was behind me whispering.

"Lat her, she can't hurt you." She whispered. I bent down a couple inches to the 14 year old looking child. I knew she wasn't 14 probably close to 9. When I bent down she sat on the sofa and patted the seat next to her. 'Any more requests?' I wanted to ask, but I didn't instead I sat down and she put her palm on my cheek. I breathed in the warmth. Pictures of my family and hers flashed through my head. When she removed her hand she had a curious look in her eyes.

"What?"

"Where have you been?" She smiled, at me. "I've never seen you before."

"You haven't been around for long," Her smile grew and she waited for me to answer her question. "I've been trying to figure out a meaning."

"a meaning,"

"Yes," I decided to change the subject then. "Who is he?" I pointed my eyes towards a boy coming from the forest. He had dark skin and messy black hair, too anxious to be coming here. Renesmee got up.

"Jake," The way she said his name, with pure love and like she'd been waiting for him, made me want to gag. It was worse than seeing Kate and Garrett go at it.

I hated seeing any kind of love; I'd rejected every male vampire that had ever held interest in me. It was like a vow to Rayyassadda, he couldn't come back for me. So I'd wait eternity for him. Renesmee walked over and snuggled into the atrocious smelling… creature. He wasn't human, at least not all human. _What was that smell?! _The way the boy looked at her was even worse. It made you want to turn away quickly like that she belonged to him. His eyes full of happiness and hunger for her. I turned around and faced Tanya who was heading up the stairs with Alice. Kate was looking at Garrett as usual, and Carmen and Elezar were listening intently on something Carlisle was saying. I heard the fluid movement and the smell of Rosalie Hale behind me.

"Hi" She spoke in a clear voice similar to Tanya's but not as low. Her tone filled with pleasure. I gave her a questioning look. "Do you want to see the house?" Tanya had always described Rosalie as a stubborn and stuck up person, if so, why was she being so kind to me?

"Thank you," She motioned for me to follow her and I did.

"How was your trip?" She questioned in the same polite and generous tone of voice.

"Quick," I answered.

She was taller than me, by at least 4 inches I felt like I had to be looking up at her. She smiled down at me and gestured to a white room with the room opened just a bit.

"Carlisle's office,"

"What does he see to do in there? I had learned he was a doctor,"

"Oh, he is. This is just where he likes to read and search our kind's history." She took my hand this time to lead me forward, I winced at the touch. I wasn't used to anyone but my family coming this near to me.  
She led us past Alice and Jaspers room and then Edward's old room, then to Carlisle and Esme's room. At last she opened a room and pulled me inside closing the door behind. I guessed this was the room Emmett and her shared. The room had a pure white color to it with gray bordering and curtains. It was so perfect. In the middle of the room sat a white couch and recliner. She sat on the right edge of the couch and patted the sat next to her. I sat down feeling a morsel out of place. Taking advantage of the silence I decided to ask her about herself neither since no one had not ever bothered to tell me nor had I ever cared to ask.

"Aren't you supposed to be the non friendly one, Rosalie?"

"I guess that's what I'm referred to as." He tone mocking and a smirk appearing on her face, she smiled and showed her bright teeth. "I really like you," Why would Rosalie Hale like me? I was no one special and she despised everyone even her own family members sometimes. I guess she saw my questioning look because she laughed. "I like you because you know how I feel, you understand me. And like me you hate this life, maybe more than I do myself."

"Oh, I'm glad my misery brings a moment of joy into you life." I gave her a smile, I liked this feeling. Being able to connect with others out side your family was different, a sense of what my family calls friendship.

……………**..**

Rosalie and I went to hunt that night and talked that day. The night returned and I hated it. Every night for the past 108 years had been painful. The feeling of living eternally. For some it would be considered a pleasure, for me it was a pain. I hadn't wanted life, and instead I got to live it forever. I wanted to die but my soul was now forever lost. However tonight was different, maybe because Rose kept me occupied of maybe because I'd never smelled anything like him before.

_AN: I am soo sorry for making everyone wait soo long, but seriously did ya like it?? I know this chpter took sooooooo long to update but hey, give Nia sometime and she'll get there! Hehe lol._

_PS: get used to the third person cause I use it waaay too much! Lol. Review please!_

_Loveys,_

_'Nia!!_


	3. Feelings

Okay, here I go again…

_**Okay, here I go again….**_

_**I want to thank CountessHatsue and Lecia for their generous and quick reviews, and witty names. I'm not sure if everyone will enjoy this chapter because it has flashbacks. So I guess… ENJOY!!**_

_**Song- "When it all falls apart" by The Veronicas, Listen to it!!**_

**Yeah She's Confused….**

**Can you blame her?**

_Rosalie and I went to hunt that night and talked that day. The night returned and I hated it. Every night for the past 108 years had been painful. The feeling of living eternally. For some it would be considered a pleasure, for me it was a pain. I hadn't wanted life, and instead I got to live it forever. I wanted to die but my soul was now forever lost. However tonight was different, maybe because Rose kept me occupied or, maybe because I'd never smelled anything like him before._

I had never in my long life smelled anything like him. He was not like Jacob Black, whose history had entertained me. I hadn't wanted to listen to the legends though, and thanks to Rose I didn't have tell him that. This creature had the most striking smell. He had opened the door with too much grace for a human. He wasn't one and I was positive of it, humans didn't get as big as he was. His fine toned muscles and copper skin was so beautiful and almost breathtaking. He didn't meet my eyes, but I looked to his. They reminded me so much of Rayyassadda. Nevertheless he was different, taller and his smile was genuine. Ray hadn't liked to smile. I could remember the first time I ever spoke to Rayyassadda, just looking at this stranger. He met my eyes with first shock and then amazement then sincerity. His eyes were so beautiful…

_Flash-Back_

"_What are you doing?" Rayyassadda asked. His voice husky and whispering with angriness. _

"_Leave me to my business" I said in a cold tone._

"_No, come with me." His voice commanding me to follow._

"_No." I stated simply._

"_Okay," He sighed and sat down on one of the beds looking at me curiously. "I heard about your sister."_

"_What am I supposed to say, that 'Its okay?'" I asked him, in my monotone. He just reached for my hand._

"_I can't say I know how you feel, but taking your life really isn't the best option." His smile appeared and I knew he was trying to help me feel better. But would you feel better when you had lost everyone you loved? I ignored the gesture and returned to my ignorant attitude._

"_Yeah, you don't know how I'm feeling, because if you did you'd have killed your self long before." His smile disappeared and he held my hand closer to himself now. He stared at me with open eyes and a smug expression._

"_What?" I asked. "Why are you looking at me like that?"_

"_Are you going to stay here?" he asked._

"_No," I answered plainly. "Are you?"_

"_No, I'm going back to Washington." He held my other hand now. "Will you come with me?" I looked up at his adoring expression._

**x…………………………………x**

"Amelia," Elezar called.

My head spun with the feelings coming off the memory. I hoped I hadn't passed them on to everyone. My memory brought back pictures and safe keepings of Rayyassadda. It was almost as I could smell his sweet scent and feel the warmth coming off his skin. My eyes shot open and I noticed everyone looking at me. Alice was on the top of the stairs with Jasper crouched down and Bella was holding Renesmee behind her shielding her from something and then Edward slowly rose from his crouch. Carlisle stepped forward to his son and whispered so that only Edward could hear.

"What's going on?" I asked turning to Kate and Elezar.

"You had one of your fanatical mood givings." She smiled and elbowed my arm.

"Is that why everyone's…" I asked looking at my feet and ignoring all the eyes on me.

"Yep," Emmett said popping his p.

Damn it! Everyone around the whole house had probably seen my flashback or at least felt the anger, then disturbance, then the feeling I got every time I saw Rayyassadda in one of my memories. I turned around and walked out of the house with out saying a word. I knew one of them would follow me and then I'd push them away. But that changed when Elezar asked everyone to give me some time and space.

I really liked Elezar.

The forest felt good to be alone in alone. I closed my eyes and tried to block out the noise from all around. The bird's heart beat kept pulsing closer to me. I shut of my hearing completely. My hands balled into fist and soon my anger disappeared replaced by embarrassment. The heart beats around me made me jealous. How lucky were the birds that just by a quick swipe of my hand they could die? My thoughts were interrupted by footsteps coming closer. Not human foot steps. _His _scent came closer and closer with each passing moment.

**Yeah He imprinted….**

**Can you blame him?**

I walked into the Cullen's house and a new smell hit me. It was beautiful. My instincts told me it was a vampire but I couldn't care less. I opened the front door and looked around. Tanya's family was here. _ Oh joy! _ The Denali coven hated Jake and I. Not as much as the other covens but still they never tried to hide it. _Her smell. _

It was like fresh brewed vanilla coffee. It smelled _heavenly_. Edward met my eyes with a worried glance and I just shook it off. My eyes scanned the house to find the person who held this adoring smell.

An angel.

Nothing could compare to her. She gazed into my eyes and I was lost nothing held me but her. I had a sudden urge to wrap my arms around her. To make sure she was feeling alright, to erase the frown from her face.

_Oh shit!_

What would Jake say if he found out? What would Leah? I bet Sam would explode.

But all those thoughts got pushed behind as I felt a new feeling coming towards me; Then a new picture. What was going on? My chest hurt form the pain caused by these random pictures.

First it was completely black. Nothing was in sight and every part of me felt numb I wanted to scream. The dead silence was working its way to my thought so that I could no longer breathe. Then the pictures started.

There was a girl on a rugged bed her eyes a dark green staring up at me. My arm –a girls arm- reached down to wipe away the tear coming from the young girls eyes. There was so much pain coming towards me I felt my self let go of a tear. My body started to shake. And all was forgotten when a man dressed in Indian clotting walked in and pulled me away form the girl on the bed. Right there was the pain I knew I would feel if the death of Leah or my mom had occurred in front of my eyes.

The image was replaced by one of a tall man, almost as tall as me. His skin color reminded me of my dads. The man held a jar in his hand now. And he looked at the young girl who tried to kill her self just seconds ago the way Edward looked at Bella before she was changed; with worry and hesitant. Slowly the scene played out before me and I looked closer at the reflection of the girl.

It was my imprint. She was causing the pain. She had suffered through this. She couldn't control it. I wanted to erase all these thoughts. I wanted to go wrap myself around her.

The visions disappeared and I fell to the floor. I felt Jacob's unsteady breaths behind me. And Edward's growing growl to my right. They wouldn't hurt her, would they?

I looked away from the girl and to Edward who looked at me like he didn't know who I was. His expression told me he had heard my thoughts. I shook my head and mouthed 'don't tell anyone' to him. He abruptly shook his head.

Elezar called Amelia.

So that was her name. _Amelia. _It sang in my head as she disappeared from the living room. I searched the living room. Worried I made my move to leave and follow her, ignoring Elezar's request.

"I think I'm gonna head out Jake," I said not meeting his eyes.

"I'll see you tonight," He called pulling Renesmee to his side.

No longer did I feel grossed out by their relationship; instead I felt jealous. When would I hold Amelia in my arms like that? To me it didn't matter if we were opposites it only mattered that she knew how much I wanted her. Her sisters stared at me like I was filth; would she too treat me like that?

Only one way to find out….

**AN: PLEASE READ!!**

**Thank you sooooo much for reading!!**

**BUT!!**

**There's a little problem!**

**People keep comparing my story to****Aurora**** 4516571 by ****MulanHua**** and it makes me very sad! ******** See? Sadface Now, I just want to clear up that I really wasn't coping them. If you look at the time they posted their story it's a week before mine. But I posted my chapter 2 a week before theirs and coincedentaly it included things such as **him **and **he. **BUT! There it is again! She's referring to her past lover who she gives clues to be a werewolf! I give clues to let you know that she's remembering Rayyassadda when ever she sees Seth. So I'm sorry for taking up so much of you time, but just wanted to tell all of you nice people that I really didn't copy her. But I did read her stories like the 3 PM senders sent. So I hope I made that clear. **

**Lovey,**

'**Nia**


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